WILLIE+JASE+JESUS. (February 6, 2013)
This time last week, my stomach was in knots. I was headed straight for confrontation, in the form of coffee at Starbucks with a guy friend, and I was worried sick. Literally. I hate confrontation, and generally try to run from it… Not this time. Actually, this particular situation is one of the few times I’ve had the courage to face conflict. And if I do say so myself, I was pretty dang bold. But let me back it up a little bit…
As like half of the world knows (sick of the dramatics, yet?), around October of last year I broke up with a guy I had been dating for quite a while. Around that same time, I met a guy who was the exact opposite of the guy I had been dating before. (Let’s call ex-boyfriend Willie & new friend-boy Jase)
Before I was dating Willie, I was kind of boy-crazy. There was a time in my life where I really struggled with finding my worth in boys instead of Jesus. And after breaking up with Willie, it was pretty easy to fall back into old habits. I had forgotten how to guard my heart in that way. Because of that, I was immediately attracted to Jase, and with good reason. He loves Jesus with his whole heart and is just one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met.
After maybe a week, though, I had to take a step back. I realized that I really didn’t need a boyfriend. I didn’t want to jump right back into a relationship, and besides, if we were meant to be together, God would reveal that. So I tried ridiculously hard to not think of him in that way and it seemed to be working. And then our friendship became almost non-existent. Our talks got shorter… and shorter… and shorter. We would pass each other in the halls without even waving. I was not happy.
It all came to a head one night, through another friend, and I just knew I had to talk things through with him. I wanted so badly to ignore the whole situation, but I knew that I couldn’t and that’s how I ended up where I was last Tuesday.
We cleared up a lot of misunderstanding and are on good terms now. He just wants to be friends. I just want to be friends. With that being said, I left feeling extremely disappointed. I just wanted to cry and stuff my face with cupcakes, and I didn’t know why. I opened up to another friend about it and he asked, “Do you think you’re upset because he just wants to be friends?” I had to think about it long and hard, but I decided that wasn’t it… at least completely. I told him about how much I had been struggling with being single in general. Being the nice boy that he is, he replied, “But Gabbi, you’re a really awesome person! You’ll find someone again to date soon.”
“But that’s the thing, I don’t need someone to date again soon. I want to feel like Jesus is enough.”
I sent that text and immediately got on Twitter. And then, it happened. Someone had tweeted an article about hope in singleness. I almost rolled my eyes, until I read Psalm 84:11.
‘For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.’
‘No good thing does He withold’. The author talked about how whatever God has given you, wherever God has you right now is His BEST for you. Being single is His BEST for me. He is fulfilling his purpose for me today. That’s exactly what I needed to hear.
The Psalmist continues… ‘O LORD of Hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in You.’ // Psalm 84:12
And boy, do I have so many blessings.
The Lord has never spoken to me so clearly as He did that night and I needed it so badly. This article would have been enough. I was so thankful for it. And yet, He took it step further. A few days later, the same girl posted a part 2. I was so eager to read it I could barely click on the link!
Part 2 talked about how God withholds no good thing because He has already given us EVERYTHING: Himself! It highlighted Psalm 84:10, and I think The Message explains it beautifully…
One day spent in your house, this beautiful place of worships, beats thousands spent on Greek island beaches. I’d rather scrub floors in the house of my God than be honored as a guest in the palace of sin.’
God is so GOOD that our soul literally longs to be with Him. I cried tears of joy as I let these verses resonate with me.
Friends, I type all of this to say…
1) Conflict is good. Don’t run from it. Be brave. You won’t regret it.
2) There is hope in singleness. Being single is His very best for you. Trust it.
3) The Lord CAN and WILL speak to your heart. If you don’t believe that, I hope that this encourages you. It is not coincidence. The Word of God is a powerful thing.
4) He is so very good.